SFB. It feels good and bad and happy and sad.

I'm not convinced that I'm "so fucking back" but I'll fake it til I make it.

What a weird day this has been so far. My baby girl had her first day in childcare and I'm back to rebuild my creative muscles. Billie and I have become an inseparable duo over the past year and I feel as though a piece of my soul has gone off wandering without me. It didn't feel good to start with...

7:05am - "Babe I think we should get moving!!!" My eyes open, I'm gasping for air and water.

7:08am - Breastfeeding Billie in bed, she's in a delightfully cuddly mood, I'll drink some water in a minute.

7:15am - Time to get dressed, Billie looks cute in her Nike leggings and peter-pan-collar sweater. I've swapped my pyjamas bottoms for some jeans and she's scoffing a banana and Weetabix.

7:50am - Leaving for Billie drop-off, feeling a big sick, Jon knocks a snowglobe over and glitter is everywhere. I'll deal with that later. Still not had any water.

8:03am - Arrive at childcare, a bit late (predictably), hand over a devastated Billie who was really enjoying her morning stroll until now. I am now devastated, I pick up someone else's dog poo in an attempt to distract myself from the tears ready to break down the dam behind my eyes.

8:05am - My eyes are leaking, my heart hurts, my tummy hurts, this feels bad bad bad and I don't like it. I walk with Jon to the station, we share encouraging words "this will be so good for her" "this will be so good for you!". We kiss and cuddle outside the station "We're all going to be ok, I love you." I finally glug some water.

Can you imagine calling this dog disgusting????

8:10am - A quick coffee in the cafe where a grumpy entitled man once told me (while heavily pregnant) that my dog was disgusting and shouldn't be in there. I'm staring out the window with Woody (my soul dog) on my lap and thinking about what I should do next. A whole day ahead of me...

9am - Back home, put a quick wash on and clean up too much glitter and glass from snowglobe. Thinking about a visit to the gym, I need to release some energy.

10:45am - After a bit more pottering around the house, I hand Woody over to our friend (he cannot be left alone), and I head to the gym. I row all out for ten minutes, cycle for another ten, then workout my arms, core and end on a meditation. I sauna for ten minutes, shower and take my sweet time getting ready for...well I'm not sure yet.

Hello old friends.

12:30pm - Pop to Gail's for my favourite Beetroot and Goat cheese salad with a watermelon Kombucha. It hit the spot and I decided to pop into Ryman's to buy a small sketchbook and a couple of Sharpies.

1pm - I have the urge to walk to Greenwich park so I do and set up camp by the lake to doodle. The sun blasts my face, I regret the bench I have chosen but it's all that's left so I unwrap my purchases and start drawing some faces. It's familiar territory yet my hands are shaking. These muscles have weakened over the past year and my god I hate the pen I'm using, it's leaky and I loathe it.

2:17pm - My youngest brother calls; "I've just seen your post about doodling in the park and thought I'd check in". What a lovely boy he is. We catch up, I tell him I'm feeling weird having all this time to myself and that I'm currently trying to spot the deer in the park. We share stories and woes for another 50 minutes and as he hangs up my attention is suddenly drawn to all the people I miss and want to hold, Billie included.

3:30pm - I'm home and I want to write. I log into Wix, figure out how to add a blog to my site and start writing. I'd forgotten how cathartic this is. I love writing as much as I love drawing, maybe a little more than drawing at this moment.

4:30pm - It's almost time for me to collect Billie and I cannot wait. I'm watching the clock. No time to proof this blog, I'm off to get my baby girl <3